I feel humiliated as I write this. Humiliated by you. And although it hurts, it’s teaching me a lesson. You were an unexpected blessing in my life.
I never thought we’d meet. I never thought you would notice me or even remember my name, much less how to correctly spell it. Trivial, yet meaningful.
It is with sadness that I write this letter that you’ll never read. You broke your word. And did so in a way that humiliated me. What’s worse is you probably aren’t even aware of that. You’d probably forgotten about the promise. I hope you did. I hope you didn’t intentionally break it.
The old me would have looked away, pretended that it was an accident and that you meant well. The new me, the one who survived an abusive marriage, can’t let this go. Promises are a boundary for me. A broken promise sends the message that I am not worthy of you keeping your word. And that hurts.
You didn’t just break a promise, but I made a fool of myself believing you’d keep your word. I thanked you based on the assumption you'd keep your word.
Although there’s nothing romantic here, I looked up to you. I held you to a higher standard and ignored your blatant flaws. And I realize that all of this time, I needed validation from you. I understand this is wrong and something you can’t give.
I emotionally attached to you when I should have dealt with my pain and trauma head-on. Instead, I escaped to fantasy but one that came true in a very unexpected way.
The fantasy was acceptance and being loved for who I am without having to become perfect.
I was never good enough for the people who said they loved me. Yet I was good enough for you and the people you brought into my life. For the first time in my life, I was included, heard, and valued for who I am. Or so I thought.
I realize that I’ve been placing this burden on your shoulders. For that, I’m sorry. You won’t even notice the change as I am unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Yet, I need to write these words, to address your broken promise so it doesn’t fester inside my soul.
I hope that one day you’ll realize that carelessly giving your word to someone is worse than telling that person no or maybe. Saying yes is not always a good thing especially if you don’t mean it or intend to keep that promise.
